On another site, a question about family and relationship drifted into a discussion about what makes us happy. Being uprooted can mean we struggle to be happy. What about you? If you are happy, why? If you are not happy, why not? There are many things that bring us here, and keep us here. Take a few moments to share thoughts with fellow expats.

Hi Laurie,

I think Happiness is a loaded word with lots of meanings to lots of people.
I think that happiness is not a state of being but series of enjoyable happy experiences. You can look at finding happiness as internet dating versus normal dating. In internet dating you can filter out every possible negative trait until you find (or not) Mr. Perfect. Normal dating you choose a person because he has one or two great qualities and these completely outweigh the other small negative. I.e Finding a Funny and romantic guy that might be a little short with just an average job.


(Also the happy moments I enjoy most is also due to some of the drudgery I had to do to make those moments possible).
I will give examples of these happy moments in my experience in China.
First up - 2001 Drinking beer from a Bag happiness. this was the first time I was in China and I enjoyed doing things that seemed crazy at the time, like drinking beer from a bag that was filled up from a keg on the street. Eating Snake for the first time. (I know it was snake because they brought it out alive first so that we could check it was big enough.It was like tender BBQ chicken.) Getting lost biking the hills of Guilin. Taking the slow bus back from Shaolin Kung fu Temple to break down 1 mile from our hotel. Dealing with peasant highway pirates extorting tour drivers for avoiding the toll booth. Dancing at the Gyrating disco. (The actual floor was on springs and moved up an down.) My friend and I went to small restaurants and ordered 3 dishes a day in order of the menu until we had tried them all. (I had to deal with bad working experience and hard seat trains but it was good)

2nd Groundhog day Happiness 2 years at Nanjing Audit University. During this time I had 12 or so hours of teaching with several classes repeating so only 3 classes to prepare a week. A really nice apartment next to lighted volleyball courts that I play on 3 hours a day. The salary was modest but enough to watch 3 DVD movies and drink all the beer I wanted. The students were English Majors that had to pass spoken English Exams in sophomore and senior years to graduate and so were very motivated to learn and appreciated the work I put in. Every week was more or less of the same great life experience, teach for 2 hours , play sports, watch great movies and TV shows and have a beer with friends. I wasn't making much money or improving myself but experience wise, it was a great 2 years. I realized I could do that kind of job for the rest of my life pretty easily. (This one didn't have much drudgery, just not earning much money).

3. Studying and Working like a dog and loving it- (During the next 2 years I studied full time Chinese at Nanjing University and worked nights and weekends at Canilx.(I had studied Chinese with a tutor unsuccessfully for 3 years before this) My schedule was usually 8-12 - intense Chinese classes 1-5 hurry to finish my Chinese studying, learning 30 Chinese flashcards a day, 6-9 teach oral English to professionals and college students in xinjiekou.Being cheap and exhausted all the time, I almost never went out and ate basically cheap Chinese food. But I met my future wife as an afternoon language study buddy, and was able to study without getting into debt. By the end of the second year though, I was having conversations about Great Leap forward in Chinese and reading short internet Chinese article. I definitely was getting learning high's from studying. Also I was starting to be able to talk anyone I met . I was mentally exhausted almost everyday but had happy epiphany.

4. Hustling and babysitting- Currently I am working in a somewhat stressful job and deal with taking care of at 1 year-old baby. The job has stresses from making cold calls, solving problems that other coworkers made to dealing with VIP level clients that expect high level services. Even here though when I figure out how to make a move that seemed impossible work or get an appreciative email feedback the feeling of accomplishment is awesome. Taking care of the baby is similar, with most of the time spent changing diapers or making him breakfast at 5 am in the morning. But when he picks up my slippers and puts them on my feet or eats his cheese pizza with a fork for the first time, it is a pretty good Daddy feeling. I don't think these would half as enjoyable if it was not for the literal crap I have to deal with most of the time.
I can still take him to the lake and get some time to myself to Bluff my friends off their poker hands.

So yes I think I have been happy in China, I would say yes but in different ways at different times.

Where do you find your happiness?
Have fun,
Simon:)

Amazing! Simon's post could describe many peoples experience here. am I happy in China? the words catch 22 or double edged sword come to mind! it is certainly the place i should be right now but not where i prefer to be in terms of where i see myself. i am here for the shortest time possible but I will never truly leave due to my roots now planted here. it will be a case of at least 3-6 mths per year here even in years to come. When I came here in 2002, I got out as quick as I had come but something drew me back each and every time and that was exactly what I said when asked the classic Chinese question of "do you like China?" I would answer "not really, but something keeps bringing me back here so there must be something good about it" The answer I always give students is "no... I love china!" that one always gets a gasp of surprise followed by relief but the former is more honest!

Simon,
Your artical made me smile... A lot!
I came to China in 2004 and started working as an English Teacher in Guizhou province. I studied part time at the teachers college and worked a lot. I also shared the wonder of odd/new experiences as a new commer to China. I hiked and camped often while living out west and was on one trip asked where I was from... When I responded that I was American the old woman got flustered and said shed never heard of it.
I played rugby with a bunch of middle school kids and an Auzzie friend in the streets of Beihai one night in the summer of 2005... We didn't have a rugby ball so we used a "you zi"... One Chinese new year, I slept outside on a snow covered mountain that was the site of a battle during the long march. I woke up before dawn because I couldn't feel my feet... Stumbled down to the closest road and hitch nicked into the city... It was cold but the most glorious sun rise I've seen in years.
Later I moved to Nanjing... I had a traditional Chinese wedding in my wife's home town ( we made the local news paper... Though we would rather not have). This year we were blessed with our son. I'll be starting a graduate program at Nanda this fall. Happiness comes in many forms and at many different stages in your life. Does this change because of where we are... I hope so! Experiences change because of where they take place and who you are with. Do I miss home... Sometimes. But I don't think I struggle to be happy. For me home has become a word that has little to do with location and more to do with the people around me... Especially my wife and son.
I think that people who feel "up rooted" and are unhappy about where they are, simply focus too much on what they miss about home and not enough time enjoying the new experiences in the place they happen to be in now!

I had another fun crazy china experience last week.
I have had a Chinese driving licence for 5 years but have only just starting using it in looking for houses to buy.
So I was coming back from the south of Aoti area on Friday to go to Metro supermarket . Usually I would just find a highway and take that but I had a schedule long distance phone call so had to get there fast. I pulled up to a cab with 3 people in it and rolled down the window? "Wei, Hey how do you get to Mai de Long Metro? " The Taxi driver gave me a big smile and said, "Hey just follow me."
The light turned green and we were off! You'd think the taxi driver would take it easy, but No he put the pedal to the floor and took off. It was Friday rush hour with every on on the street. Almost immediately two cars cut in front between us. I used some creative driving to keep the taxi in sight; even having to deal with a city bus cutting me off.It was like a Grand Theft Auto Mission down the back streets, up the high way on ramp, down again, around the traffic circle, weave between the trucks and road construction. Finally almost at the turn off I got behind them at a red-light and the taxi passenger tapped the window amazed I was still with 'em. At the Kazimen Ikea turn off the driver pointed down the street to the Metro hypermart ,then went the other direction. It was pretty fun but quite challenging as well. Taxis really know how to weave in Traffic!

I agree that comradeship is best when doing some sport whether it is walking a Hash trail in an unknown park or playing 4 on 4 Frisbee at Xuan wu lake as the sun goes down. Nanjing has some great places to have great experiences.

Your wedding and youzi rugby stories sounded like fun.
have fun,
Simon:)

I think - for which it is my humble and unqualified opinion - that a definition of "expat" is not that easy and it might be a different idea for different people and personalities. What's the difference between an expat and an immigrant? I would assume it is the intention to go to another country, for that an immigrant has already decided to spend the rest of his/her days abroad. So the expat is more like a guestworker at the beginning, with the potential to become an immigrant later on. And one decisive factor to become an immigrant could be the level of happiness as an expat.

So, am I happy as an expat? - Well, I'm for sure a happy expat!

And how do I know that? - Because I am rewarded every time I go home and tell those crazy ol' Chinahand stories. And that's great, since it seems there's nothing happening back home at all. No crazy cabbies, no strangers taking photos of you and their kids and then inviting you to a wedding party, no totally-out-of-the-way "treatment" at the local hospital for a runny nose, and surely none of the things Simon described.

So, still an expat or already an immigrant?

I'm not sure, yet, at least in my case. But there are some indicators that I could make the transition.

People like me, with a lack in self-confidence, can - from time to time - get annoyed by the not ending affirmation to be different from the Chinese, by the Chinese, pointing to me calling me "Laowai". So, every time I go back to Germany I just enjoy not being called "laowai" by strangers.
On the other hand, I pretty much appreciate while buying groceries or paying my parking ticket in China being constantly praised for uttering some Chinese-like sounds, praises in form of "ni zhe ge xiao huozi shuo de Zhongwen bi women Zhongguoren hai hao, hahahaha".
But then, back at (what was formerly known as) home, no one ever, except family and friends, praised the quite good German of my wife, not the cashier at the supermarket nor the lady at City Hall. If they don't praise my wife's German, you are welcome to call my laowai 'till I die! Deal!